Depression does not always look like sadness. Sometimes it looks like a man being a man. That is the line that opens this conversation, and once you hear it, you cannot unhear it.

On this episode of Finding Sanctuary, Natalie Moujalli sits with psychologist Mounir Bechara from Guiding Light Psychology and Monsignor Shora to talk about what they are calling silent depression. The conversation was recorded live in front of an audience, and it covers ground that is rarely spoken about openly in our community.

Key Takeaways

  • Silent depression often shows up as anger, addiction or withdrawal rather than sadness.
  • Men in Lebanese and Catholic communities carry cultural pressure to just get on with it, which can mask deep underlying pain.
  • Word of mouth from another trusted man is the single biggest unlock for getting men into therapy.
  • Fear of failure and shame sit underneath much of what looks like male anger.
  • Therapy is one cog in the machine. Real recovery is holistic and includes faith, friendships, sleep, exercise and spiritual direction.

What Silent Depression Actually Looks Like

Mounir explains that classic depression presents as sadness or withdrawal, but in many men, especially in culturally Lebanese and Catholic communities, it shows up very differently. It can look like aggression, addiction, snapping at your wife, or shutting down with your children. Family members often blame work stress or being overworked, when underneath it all is something much heavier.

Monsignor Shora adds another layer to this. Many older Lebanese men carry untreated trauma from the war, and that post traumatic stress has never been spoken about, never been processed. They came out of conflict, got married, took on responsibilities, and the silent weight has been with them the whole time.

The Cycle of Survival, Addiction and Shame

Younger men face a different version of the same problem. Get married, have kids, earn a living, get the house, get the car. Survival mode. The emotions get pushed down, and the only way out is through. As Natalie puts it, you can outrun these things for a while, but eventually you face them. The collateral damage in between is what hurts most.

Addiction is often where the silent depression bleeds out. Mounir is clear that it does not discriminate. Substance use, gambling, pornography, even eating, all become coping mechanisms. He calls addiction the silent killer inside the silent depression. And he reminds us that just because it is not alcohol or drugs does not mean it is not an addiction.

Why Word of Mouth From Another Man Is the Real Unlock

This was the most powerful part of the conversation. The vast majority of Mounir’s young male clients arrive because another man, a friend or a brother or a cousin, told them therapy worked for him. Not a wife, not a mother, not a flyer. Another man.

Why? Because men tend to deal with their problems alone. The walls come down when someone they trust and respect says, dude, I have been through the same thing, and I got help. The shared lived experience does what no clinical pamphlet can do. It tells him he is not alone.

Mounir is quietly honest about this. He is a therapist who also sees a therapist. He still struggles to ask for help. The hypocrisy is the human bit. The point is, talking about it is what breaks the spell for the next man.

Fear of Failure, Healthy Guilt and Repair

Underneath the anger, the addiction and the withdrawal, two emotions sit on repeat: fear of failure and shame. Mounir flips the frame in one sentence. The only way to fail is to stop trying. Every fall that is followed by getting back up is a lesson, not a failure.

Monsignor Shora frames healthy guilt beautifully. Healthy guilt says, I recognise this, I am stepping up, here is what I need to do to repair. Unhealthy guilt is just self attack. The healthy version moves you forward. The unhealthy one keeps you stuck.

Both guests share their own failure stories. Mounir cried at home over a credit grade at university because he had set himself such an impossible standard. Monsignor was almost accused of plagiarism in seminary, and he carries the failure of losing his temper as the one he has to repair fastest. Vulnerability becomes the doorway, not the weakness.

Crowded Life or Fulfilled Life

One of the most quotable moments from the episode. Monsignor poses the question: do you want a crowded life or a fulfilled life? Crowded means too much, blurred faces, no real connection. Fulfilled means brotherhood, sisterhood, family, friends who know you.

Mounir layers this with the camel through the eye of the needle. The camel has to shed everything to fit through. Men get attached to things because things give us worth. The Maserati, the Bentley, the property, the verified Instagram tick. Monsignor delivers the gut punch: it generally runs out at about forty years of age, when the man who has everything ticked finds himself empty.

The Signs Worth Watching For

If you are wondering whether silent depression is showing up in someone you love, or in yourself, here is what the conversation surfaced.

  • More irritability than usual, especially with your wife or kids.
  • Reaching for alcohol, gambling, food or scrolling more than you used to.
  • Doom scrolling for hours instead of minutes.
  • Pulling back from prayer, mass, or friends you used to enjoy.
  • Loss of motivation, oversleeping, isolating.
  • Someone close asking, are you okay, and meaning it. That is the alarm bell.

The Holistic Approach to Recovery

Therapy is one piece of the puzzle. Mounir says the clients who recover fastest are the ones who already have the foundations. Vitamin D, exercise, sleep, friendships, spirituality. Build those first, and talk therapy can do its real work. Try to use therapy as the only intervention, and progress stalls.

Monsignor adds the spiritual layer. Mentoring, spiritual direction and therapy, working in parallel. Not therapy or nothing. Not faith or nothing. All three at once.

The Call Out: Men Who Have Done the Work

The episode ends on a direct call to men in the community who have already sought therapy. Tell your friends. Share that you went. Share that it helped. Your one comment over coffee might be the difference between another man getting help and another man going under.

If this episode hits home, please share it with the man in your life who might need to hear it. The conversation is the first step.

Want to Find Your Own Sanctuary

Hills Sanctuary House offers spaces for spiritual direction, retreats, mentoring and community for people across Sydney’s faith and wellness communities. If today’s episode has sparked something for you, learn more about what we offer at hshl.org.au. Your next step does not have to be alone.