Key Takeaways

  • Grief processed together in community creates a more powerful healing environment than many clinical approaches alone.
  • Breaking the silence around suicide and mental health taboos is not a single moment — it is a long, collective practice.
  • Lived experience carries clinical weight. No textbook replaces what a community teaches you in crisis.
  • Shame is one of the biggest barriers to receiving help, whether that is food aid in Lebanon or counselling in Sydney.
  • Purpose built on pain is often the most durable kind. Not because suffering is good, but because it clarifies what actually matters.
  • We are not meant to do everything on our own. Giving each other permission to accept help changes lives.

When Nobody Knows What to Do

Here is something most people never think about until it is too late. What happens to a whole community when something unimaginable occurs and nobody has a script for it?

That is exactly where George Boutros found himself in the late 1990s. His cousin had died by suicide. His family and close community were caught completely off guard. There was grief, yes. But there was also anger, confusion, and a kind of collective paralysis that comes from facing something your world has no category for.

And then it happened again. And again. In the space of nine months, George’s community experienced six losses. One after another.

“We just didn’t know how to deal with it at the time,” he says quietly. “We couldn’t accept it. It was painful. There was a lot of sadness, a lot of anger, a lot of why.”

This is where the story of Friends with Hope begins. Not with a strategy or a fundraising plan. With a group of cousins and friends sitting in shock, trying to work out what comes next.

The Thing No Textbook Could Teach

Cross-cultural psychologist Judy Saba was one of the practitioners who stepped into that space. She has spent over three decades working in mental health, including extensive work with NSW Police and domestic violence survivors. And she is honest about what those nine months taught her.

“There is nothing,” she says, “no textbook, no theory, no medical doctor, no medicine, that takes the place of lived experience.”

The formal system pushed back. Judy and her colleagues were questioned for working with large groups of people together rather than following conventional one-on-one models. But the community needed to talk collectively. It needed to be in the room together. And so that is how they worked.

What came out of those sessions reshaped the way Judy has practised ever since. It also produced something quietly radical. For the first time, someone stood at the front of a church and talked openly about suicide. The congregation stayed after Mass to listen. The room went completely still.

“Even the waitstaff stopped serving,” George recalls, remembering the fundraiser where Judy addressed 800 people. “You could sometimes hear the rattle of plates when someone is speaking. The whole room was silent. And that’s when I knew the message was getting through.”

That is what happens when a community is finally ready to hear what it has been carrying quietly for years.

Shame Is Not Just a Feeling. It Is a Barrier.

Fast-forward twenty years and George is still doing the same work in a different shape. The Sydney to Lebanon Humanitarian Aid Appeal now supports 23 charitable entities across Lebanon, including orphanages, elderly homes, and special needs facilities. All volunteer-run. No overheads. Every dollar goes directly to the people who need it.

But here is what George has learned delivering food aid to families in crisis. Many of them will not come to the door to receive it. Not because they do not need it. Because being seen needing it feels unbearable.

His team waits. Delivers quietly. No audience. No fuss.

“I don’t want to embarrass anyone,” he says. “I want to deliver something that gives you that sense of hope and dignity without the shame. It’s okay. You’re allowed to accept. It’s okay.”

This tension between need and shame is not unique to Lebanon. It shows up in our own communities every single day. People who are exhausted but will not ask for support. Parents who are struggling but feel they should be coping. Individuals carrying grief or anxiety or relationship pain in silence because somewhere along the way they absorbed the message that needing help means something is wrong with them.

It does not. And we are not meant to do this alone.

Turning Outward When It Would Be Easier to Turn In

What George and Judy’s story ultimately demonstrates is a particular kind of courage. The courage to stop looking inward at your own pain and start asking who else is hurting and what you can do about it.

That shift does not erase the grief. George is clear about that. Twenty-seven years on, he still thinks about his cousin every day. The pain does not disappear. But the direction of it changes.

“Let’s not look in,” he says. “Let’s look out and say, who else is hurting in the community and what else can we do to help?”

That is how a community counselling service gets built. That is how 27 tonnes of humanitarian aid gets packed and shipped. That is how a room full of people goes completely silent because someone finally says the thing that everyone needed to hear.

Purpose built on pain is some of the most durable purpose there is. Not because suffering is good. But because it strips away everything that is not essential and points you toward what actually matters.

Are You Carrying Something That Deserves to Be Heard?

If any part of this conversation resonated with you, that recognition matters. Whether you are processing grief, navigating a difficult family situation, or simply feeling the weight of something you have never quite put into words, you do not have to carry it alone.

At Hills Sanctuary House, our team of experienced counsellors provides a safe, confidential space to explore whatever you are facing. We work with individuals, couples, and families across a range of concerns including grief and loss, anxiety, relationship difficulties, and community-specific mental health challenges.

Reaching out is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It is a sign that you are ready to stop looking in and start moving forward.

You are allowed to accept help. It really is okay.

To find out more or to book an appointment, visit us at hshl.org.au.

This post is based on a conversation from the Finding Sanctuary podcast featuring George Boutros and co-host Judy Saba. You can listen to the full episode wherever you get your podcasts.

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to Lifeline on 13 11 14.